ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! That’s right. There is no difference between a gay wedding and any other wedding.
Here is the thing, when it comes down to it, a wedding is a wedding: two people fall madly in love who want to share the rest of their lives together, so they throw a massive celebration and invite their closest friends and family to witness the event.
With all the past and present controversy about gay wedding events, it’s easy to get worked up or confused about what the whole thing even means.
First, there is technically no such thing as a “gay” wedding. In the wedding world we use all sorts of terms to decipher what type or style of wedding it is based on various traditions that may go with that particular style.
For instance, a Jewish wedding may incorporate traditional Jewish elements that would differ from that of a Catholic wedding or the traditional elements of an Indian wedding. These terms help to describe what traditions one might expect from such a wedding.
A “gay wedding” is only attempting to describe the type of gender to gender relationship that the couple who is getting married has. For this reason, we like to think of “gay weddings” as just a normal wedding! For this post and understanding the differences, we’re going continue to refer to them as gay weddings.
One of the things we love most about gay wedding events is that they have never been legally performed until the last couple of years so there are NO TRADITIONS.
We find that our couples are creating their own traditions by understanding what it is that they value most rather than what they are “expected to do”. We see and hear it too often with many of our traditional couples that they feel like they must have a bouquet to toss, or cut a cake, or wait to see each other until one of them walks down the aisle, etc.
Far too few of them realize that all they really “have” to do to be married is repeat after their officiant to declare their promise of love to each other in front of a couple of witnesses and sign a marriage license.
BOOM! That’s basically it!
You don’t have to walk down any aisle, wear a particular outfit, buy flowers, feed a bunch of people, cut some cake, throw the flowers, or dance for the first time as a married couple in order to be married.
Our same sex or LGBT couples really understand this as they are forced out of those gender roles that traditional marriage has made us accustomed to. Gay and LGBT couples do their wedding exactly the way THEY WANT TO!
We’re often blown away by some of the questions people ask regarding gender roles and gay weddings. Things like, “which one of the girls is the groom?” or “if there are two guys then who do I pose like the bride?” This tells us that, as a society, we are really just uneducated on the topic and are being led by stereotypes of who gay people are.
Don’t worry, we’re not going to judge anyone or hold any of these questions against anyone but rather feel a bigger need to EDUCATE so that we can move even closer to a place of understanding.
Just because there are two females getting married it does NOT mean that one will be “the boy” or that one will wear a suit and the other will wear a dress. Or, if there are two males it does not necessarily mean that one will have more female mannerisms than the other or that they will both be very masculine.
Expect the unexpected when it comes to couples planning their gay wedding.
They will likely include some really cool and unique elements that you will wish more couples did! When it comes to gender roles, if you aren’t sure what to say then just ask!
It’s important to remember that there is no specific set of rules we must follow or traditional norms that we should adhere to. Our community is essentially making this up as we go. We are setting trends and creating new traditions with every passing year. Don’t be afraid to infuse your personality as a couple into every aspect of your wedding. Make the experience as uniquely you as possible.
The topic of selecting gay wedding vendors can be extremely overwhelming for many LGBT couples.
We’ve all heard the horror stories of bakers making a huge fuss, caterers and florists backing out of their contracts or walking away on the wedding day. The last thing anyone wants to experience on their wedding day is a vendor or vendor staff person rolling their eyes or a venue staff member mumbling hate speech under their breath.
If hiring a wedding planner is outside of your budget, take advantage of online resources, go to a gay wedding expo (yes they exist), call upon direct referrals or pick up a copy of local print magazines, if you’re in a more metropolitan area.
Don’t cut corners when choosing the attire for the most important day of your life.
If the tailored suit is the look you’re going for, avoid renting at all costs. Find an ensemble you love and source someone local for custom alterations.
Your wedding day photographer is one of the most important decisions you will make.
The intimate hours they will shadow you as a couple will require a previously established level of comfort and trust. It is essential to hire photographers and videographers who are versed and familiar with working alongside gay and lesbian couples. You don’t want a wedding photographer to show up on the big day and ask, “So who’s the groom?”
They need to understand that traditional gender roles don’t apply, and the flow of natural posing for same-sex couples is a completely different ball game.
Your wedding, your choice.
The floral possibilities are endless for two brides. Whether you opt for two traditional bouquets, two pin-on corsages or a combination of both, the important thing is to choose blooms that honor a cohesive look between both women. After all, this is a day when two become one.
One of the biggest trends in LGBT weddings is the decision to go non-traditional when selecting the venue for the big day.
Let’s face it, most lesbian couples don’t want to wed in a princess-inspired ballroom. There are tons of places stateside, and even more in exotic destinations around the globe that feature some of the most badass out of the box wedding venues to choose from!
Art galleries, museums, warehouses, lush gardens, sleek lounges, and bars… The possibilities are endless.
Struggling to find the exact Save the Date cards and the perfect invitation?
Many LGBT couples find it disorienting to choose gay wedding stationery, and then deciding the final wording that will appear on the guest invites, too. The trick is to keep it easy and minimize confusion.
Feel free to get creative but remember to keep it as straightforward as possible. Please get in touch with us here! We’re ready to help! Fran is just awesome with design and colors, papers, fonts, and wording. You’re just going to love her!
To help keep you inspired, we’ve put together some super collections of wedding images over here.
We know planning a wedding is a lot for any couple. You’ll struggle with ideas, things may not go as planned. Some of you might have challenges with who to invite.
Ultimately, your day is going to be amazing, magical and altogether memorable.
The happily-ever-after all couples dream of!